"I wish it were Christmas. I love Christmas"
"Me too."
"I miss the radio station with all Christmas carols."
"I miss Handel's Messiah."
"Oooohhh, I love that."
"I want to see it so bad. The Handel Symphony Orchestra plays it in Boston every winter. I can't wait."
"I'll go with you. I'll get a ticket, we'll make a day of it."
"That'd be great."
"No one should see Handel alone."

Today was very philosophical.
Church sucked me in and I actually found myself applying the Gospel to my life. I almost quoted it tonight. Almost.

mmmmmreality checks.


So many people are young and in love and dying slowly and are trying to forget how much they really want to be happy. "I wish I could just stop, and life could pass me by, and I could do all the things I want to do, and nothing in the world would change." My best friends are throwing their hearts in the air with wild abandon and are whispering what ifs. "Love is the absence of fear. In love, you aren't the priority, they are; there is no fear when it's only them." We sit in the dark and dream under our breath, maybe tomorrow I won't be scared. It's terrifying, I MIGHT GET THIS IF YOU WOULD JUST TRY. "I'd say yes in an instant if he asked me." You don't understand. Everyone bleeds, everyone cries, everyone yearns and shakes and wishes they weren't tired of it anymore. "I don't think you remember-" Every day I am so scared he won't be there anymore he won't love me anymore that he can live without me in his life and he doesn't mind forgetting. The paranoia- "I'm coughing up blood and I'm having second thoughts." You're not happy and there's nothing I can do. We're seventeen. A few more months and we won't have highschool melodramas as an excuse. We won't be there.





ash @ 10:29 PM