dear everyone who's never lost

I can't tell you what to do. I don't, I don't know how, I don't know. I never had to. I wish I knew, I wish I never had to know, I wish we loved forever and pain was the ghosts we find in photographs when we're not looking. when we're not looking.
she..she didn't know. she didn't cry she didn't hurt. she didn't remember anything at all.
she was very loved, they'll say. very, very loved. she was loved and she knew, she knew that once, but she doesn't now. she did. but she doesn't now.
good morning sunshine, he'd say, every morning, she didn't know. we smiled and told her about school it felt silly, who could know. but she might have. she always did before. maybe the smiling and the kisses and...maybe it helped. I hope it helped.
I don't know.
tears and rain and sobs and wind. I think of lilacs and
it only gets worse.
I don't I don't I don't know I don't I don't know what to do
I, I just wish she remembered. I wish she'd remember in that last little moment and she'd tell my grandmother she loved her. after all that time, I wish she could tell her again. I wish. but I don't want to forget. what a terrible thing, to forget. I'll take this, I'll take this over forgetting her. I'll sit here and remember, there's nothing else...
There's no where for me to go here. all the people I love are so far away.
where do I go when I don't know what to do


I'm. I'm having trouble believing
but if there's something to believe in
it's a heaven for her.


love, ashley

ash @ 7:12 PM