today's english lesson:

whenever it's a damp november in my soul, ________________________.

it's raining and I have auditions tonight. both make me terribly melancholy. last time I had auditions, I wrote angsty prose condemning the demeaning auditioning process, and Grandmom died and mom called and wouldn't tell me. she called crying the next day instead, after callbacks, when I was so sure for the first time that I did well.

it's still raining; it's going to rain all week and it's damp and chilling in my room and my hair is still wet from this morning's hasty shower. I can't get warm and I can't get her phone calls out of my head.

none of this bodes well.

jill borrowed my black heels, because I'm wearing brown; because it's that kind of day. ( I washed my brown shirt in the sink last night, pressing the automatic faucet a thousand times before the water ran clear. my shirt, like my hair, hasn't gotten any drier in the hours it's been hanging out. I'll probably go tonight soaking wet and shaking from more than nervousness. ) so jill's wearing black, like duggan always told us to, and I'm wearing brown, because honestly, black doesn't seem to help any.

ash @ 2:55 PM