it's hard to fall out of love, but I suppose it's worse to stay for the wrong reasons. I thought about what you've written, cait, and I can almost understand the reasoning, the circumstances that overwhelm us when we wake up and everything is suddenly too real, too close. I don't know if I could look it in the face, either. is this forgiveness? is it possible, when you feel like you've survived something that you thought would have killed you. wasn't this my greatest fear? I've found the pages I'd written, the lovesickness and the paranoia. should I even be writing this now? I don't know. it's difficult, because he's the one I'd go to talk with. it's been almost a month, but I'm not sure if my voice would strain, if I could fight everything in me that misses him. it would be easier to hate, he tried so hard, but it's only when he admits that part of him is better off that something collapses. my thoughts are suddenly filled not with regrets, but unexamined moments. was something wrong there, something selfishly left without analysis, because I was under the impression we were happy? who is this person. I should be so many things but this is not one of them.

ash @ 12:35 AM